Street Lights to the "Girl i wanna marry"

Have had a wonderful week...festive mood really gets you..doesnt it?

I love to stroll the streets alone...especially during the night...

I see the yellow street lamps lighting up the roads and reflecting the beams all around...I open the bus windows...to feel the wind...and my mind wanders...

Aimless thoughts...dreams...people...hopes...and the smile on the face...

Was just wondering the other day...how..it just doesnt matter when things change around you..your school...the place you live..your job...it doesnt really make a difference...

What DOES matter is when PEOPLE around you change..relationships around you change...

When I see my close "about to get married" friends (girls)...I wonder what and how to react...how should our relationship change...mine and her....it goes from being naughty,bindass , shameless and changes to pure formal talks...distant and aloof chats...and a mere mix of "Hiyas and Hellos"

I cant in the first place decide...How do you know if you wanna marry someone...spend the rest of your life with...(and don gimme that "you just knw!" thingy)

I mean...You LOVE your friends...you like the concept of love...you dream of a relationship...friendship and all that...but how do you finally decide...whether YOU really wanna go ahead and marry this person...Who would really be STUPID enough to bear me for the rest of her life...

And when you yourself are not sure...how do you make a commitment...?

Its not a 'trial and error' thing for me...I need to be very sure about it...and generally...when I am sure about it...I dont think the girl is even remotely interested!

Anyway...watching friends getting married is fun...its like striking off your "prospects" list (every guy does this...but not ONE will admit it!)

Oh well...CHEERS to the girl i wanna marry...and until she finds someone...i guess its better to just sit and watch...

"Mein reh bhii naa paaun,mein kehe bhii naa paunn....

bole bina hii kaise tujho sunaaii de...!!"

a cup'a tea

Its good to know that sometimes...even small things can make you happy...
Had a stressful day at work...came home late...and had a cup of hot tea...Cant tell you how relaxing it is...good music and tea...best combo ever!

I was asked by a friend about whats is up with me these days...and i replied,
"Cried yesterday...laughed today...in short...same old same old..."

I get a feeling that how much ever things are bad...there is something good in it for you...maybe a lesson...an experience...an opportunity...

I will look back at these frustrating days and tell myself...

"It was all worth it...like that cup of hot tea.."

(More on love,marriage and jobs in posts to come...have to update life on a lot of things...)

...day dreams...

I havent wanted the trouble in a loong time...
but with you...the 'trouble' doesnt seem so "TROUBLING"

...craziness...

Most people dream...I virtually LIVE in my dreams...
A lot of people tell me i am "filmy" at times...over expecting and under estimating consequences of situations and things that I do or are to be done.
(this discussion mainly started from the latest trailor of a bollywood movie...where people are flying...things are falling down...and everything is "over the top"!)

I ,however, simply feel that Life is...after all...one hell of a fantasy...!
everyday, you dont know what is going to happen...and where is it going to go...

Its a story which is unfolding every second of your life...then , why not add some "music" and "special effects" to it in the process...

I ask people this one question always...
"When you look back at your life...how many situations can you say...you have done/experienced based on which you can write a book or make an interesting film on your life...?"

If your answer....is that you hardly have any such situation...then....just give a thought to how boring your life was...and is!

I always think that one should do something funny sometimes...something "out of the way"....something that "happens only in movies"...
Just try...and see..how closely knit the movies are with real life situations...

You just make a story...Life will take care of the movie to be made...

Attended training at IDBI Belapur last whole week...away from work...
Met some amazing people in the process..."like minded fools" is what i call them...most of them...working at the right place in the wrong profiles...and still trying to figure out how to keep going...
I realised that the people i met at my workplace...some of them with whom i instantly connected...some with whom i keep meeting again and again...are all a part of the larger movie of my life...and somewhere....something is shaping up...

You meet some of the best people at the worst situations in your life..
I have tried not to be attached to anyone lately...and remain as aloof as possible...Sometimes though...some things are just meant to happen i guess...
From a girl who broke her leg...to the guy i dropped down at Nashik...its all there...right in front of you...and still you dont know where to place it...

Havent spoken to a lot of friends in the last week...no contact at all with some...Time passes by...and sometimes you feel the other person should try too...
I wanna see...how many years and till what time of my life each relationship and friendship I have finally remains...

Not all of them last afterall...do they...

It will be my day...someday...

So I finally tried what i had to...and did what i needed to for getting myself a satisfied work profile...and that hasnt turned out in my favour still...
But atleast i tried...

I dont think anyone is actually happy with the job they do...there is always something missing...something lacking...
I am not frustrated (still!)with what I do...its just the feeling that you can do some more productive and contributory work somewhere else... and you know what you are good at...and you just feel life shouldnt be soo unfair not to give you that opportunity at least once...

So you try...the best to get what you deserve...so you fall....but the effort is on...and so...it will all fall in place some day...
I am so sure about it...that i write it down...

We will see...'some'day....'my' day....

So...I met an old man today...

"I met an old man today...he came over to me and started inquiring about buses for his grandson who was to come from delhi for a few days and was to frequent a place for work..."

I dunno why...but i do wanna complete this story...yet dont feel like putting it down...I guess the incompleteness of this story will remain a memory for long...

So...I met an old man today...

I wonder how people think the way they do...I dont like people who take advantage of others for getting their work done...
i guess though...the problem with me is that i think too much from the heart...and i work like that...think like that...and feel like that when it comes to 'people'...

I do things from the heart...but somewhere i dont regret it...because i come clean for myself by the end of the day...and that really is a good feeling to have...
I can proudly say that I have not duped anyone...hurt anyone knowingly...or taken advantage of anyone till date for my self gain...

When i say i LOVE you...i do...with all my heart...
....and when i say i dont like someone...I DONT...with all my heart...
i really cant fake it for long...

So...I met an old man today...

twisted

I have been caught up with something for the past 2 weeks...and it had nothing to do with work being "hectic" or anything...it was more of what i want work to be like and where i want it to head...

I have put a lot into it...its like..if things dont come to you....give it your best shot and you go to it instead...
If it works out good...i think i deserve it...if it doesnt...i guess...it was just not meant to be...and then i can let it go saying that maybe i am not that talented to work in that specific field...
Now,Because i have put so much thought to it...that i dont think it could be better than this...it is probably one of the most important things in my life...simply because it will prove to me if there really is something called as "getting what you deserve" in this twisted life...

Life is seriously twisted...(hmm...i like that word...)
Think 4 years back and compare your life with what it is now...just remember the people around you then....and those now...
Strange isnt it...how people around you change so often...not all...but most...
I firmly believe...that somehow...somewhere...you know in your heart always the people who are going to stay with you always and forever...

I mean think about it...going away from certain people is so easy...while with some...it just seems impossible...and it has nothing to do really with how much the other person cares about you...

Just realised from a 'shock' that i got a few days on hearing a friends wedding date...that life in the next 1-2 years is going to change so drastically...
I mean...just hold that thought...and think about the people getting engaged or married around you!!

Its scary...how everything will change...the priority will now be their 'better half '...and all your friends' lines are constantly busy coz they are on the phone all the time!
You cannot talk to your female friends the way you used to...coz now "they are with someone else" and you really dont want to get the guy jealous from your friendship with the girl...
and your guy friends now have just one topic to talk about...their girlfriends/engagement/marriage!

Change is welcome...but it scares the shit outa me to know...that i am still the same amongst all this change that is happening...or is it twisting somewhere....some place i am not looking maybe...i do not know...

In between Books and a dinner with my Professor

Had taken my car to work today...love driving it here and there...its fun to have that confidence to drive...
Reached home early as I didnt have to wait for the slow bus for hrs...and hence decided to run through a mall nearby...

Went through CROSSWORDS to check out the latest books...
I love being in between books for some reason...going through the covers...handpicking some...
I am not a voracious reader as such...but i do like collecting books...

Its amazing to go through what other people have written..and how they have written it...its like taking a walk through someone else's life...

As i was passing through the "pages of thoughts" spread all over...I realised how much i miss reading...
Work seriously takes so much out of your life...and reading is just one of the things i miss...

I think i need to get back to a lot of things i really want to do...

Met a professor for dinner a few days back...
Having dinner with him wasnt really the "viva" we had thought it would be...I think i have never enjoyed a dinner outing more with an elder...(and also my professor at that...!)

Sometimes you are in so much awe of certain people that you feel the need to be perfect in front of them...and not screw up one bit...
But it was nothing like i had expected...was probably one of the best time I have had recently...

He talked about life back then...the way children are growing up in recent times...and pretty much everything that has been keeping life "going" till now...

"You guys cannot dare say that you have frustration/regrets...you seriously dont know what exactly is frustration"
There is always soo much to learn from him...
His thoughts about love ( just a "four letter word" as he puts it) are clear...and he says commitment is the answer ...its the only path to real love...
...i cant agree more...